Five days down only nine more to go! I hate the 2ww...I hate it even more when I am pretty sure that there is nothing to wait for...other than another cycle. Anyways, I will be happy for the 2ww to be over since our "decision appointment" is also right after the dreaded 2ww.
I can't wait to see what our next steps are going to be. Are we going to be thrown into IVF? or are we going to try the IUI? I think if we are told IUI is the next step for us I am going to have to sit down with DH and set a limit to how many IUI's we will do before trying IVF. I think the max amount of IUI cycles I will try for is 4, if nothing happens within 4 cycles I think I will be back to fixating on our fertility failure. When I go over possible future fertility scenarios in my head, I always wonder how much I (personally) will be able to take before I really crack. I stress that fact "REALLY CRACK" because after over a year of fertility disappointment I know I have already cracked. I am not the same person I was before we started TTC, I would defiantly classify myself as emotionally and physically damaged. Month after month with no TTC success has really taken a tole on me, as I am sure it has with every other fellow infertile. I just wonder what is my breaking point? When do I just say enough is enough, and either take a break from TTC or give up entirely. I know I am only a year into this and there are many women who have spent year after year TTC, but I still wonder when I'll hit my breaking point.
Last night I just could not sleep, I was dreaming about my best friends baby. Just images of her and the baby (which we just found out is going to be a boy), anyways, I woke up and realized I never have dreams about myself having my own babies. I just don't think I can even imagine it anymore, it just seems so unlikely or at least so far off that I don't think I can even visualize it anymore. I still hope to prove myself wrong, but only time will tell.
I can't wait to see what our next steps are going to be. Are we going to be thrown into IVF? or are we going to try the IUI? I think if we are told IUI is the next step for us I am going to have to sit down with DH and set a limit to how many IUI's we will do before trying IVF. I think the max amount of IUI cycles I will try for is 4, if nothing happens within 4 cycles I think I will be back to fixating on our fertility failure. When I go over possible future fertility scenarios in my head, I always wonder how much I (personally) will be able to take before I really crack. I stress that fact "REALLY CRACK" because after over a year of fertility disappointment I know I have already cracked. I am not the same person I was before we started TTC, I would defiantly classify myself as emotionally and physically damaged. Month after month with no TTC success has really taken a tole on me, as I am sure it has with every other fellow infertile. I just wonder what is my breaking point? When do I just say enough is enough, and either take a break from TTC or give up entirely. I know I am only a year into this and there are many women who have spent year after year TTC, but I still wonder when I'll hit my breaking point.
Last night I just could not sleep, I was dreaming about my best friends baby. Just images of her and the baby (which we just found out is going to be a boy), anyways, I woke up and realized I never have dreams about myself having my own babies. I just don't think I can even imagine it anymore, it just seems so unlikely or at least so far off that I don't think I can even visualize it anymore. I still hope to prove myself wrong, but only time will tell.
Hang in there!!
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