Waiting

I'm sitting here waiting...waiting for either good news or bad news and I still have 8 more days to wait.

If the emmies were going to stop dividing and not make it any further (at this point) they will have already stopped. There are so many things that could have already gone wrong. Since the other embryos that didn't make it were such poor quality...I still worry that the two they transferred will end up sharing the same poor quality fate.

Or maybe...the two they transferred are still kickin it in the ute...and I'll get a big fat positive in 8 days. The wait is killing me though...knowing that both or one of the emmies could have made it...and having to wait to know...bahhh...ohwell! Patience has never been a strong point for me.

The embryos are in...

Too tired to write a long post tonight but everything seems to have gone well today. The embryos were both 8 cells this morning...right where they were supposed to be. Resting...and sleeping.

Today was slightly brighter.

We got our next call from the embryologist this morning...we prepared ourselves for the worst after talking before bed last night. We knew the chances of our remaining two 'some-what' normal looking embryos of continuing to divide were slim and whatever news we received...we would just deal with it and move on.

When the phone rang this morning I was still half asleep. We pulled ourselves together and picked it up...and to our surprise...the embryologist told us our two remaining embryos had dived and were looking good. We couldn't believe it! She said they were surprised as well...but they look good and will be transferred tomorrow morning at 7:30am...as long as they are still fine at transfer time.

So...to our amazement we still have two 4 cell B-grade embryos. When I asked about the difference between an A or B grade the embryologist explained that the A-grade has no fragmentation of the cells, B has few fragments...and the grading continues to C,D and E-grades...the lower the grade equals more fragmentation of the cells and the less likely hood of implantation. She said that the pregnancy rates between A and B grade embryos are almost exactly the same...so that is also good news.

OK...we have something good to look forward to this cycle. Despite this cycle not turning out quite as we expected it to...it looks like we will have two embryos to transfer tomorrow...and all we can do know is sit back and wait.

I'll update tomorrow after the transfer...I don't plan on doing much of anything for a few days...just sitting around and hoping the little 'emmies' settle in for the long haul!

Today just sucked.

We waited all morning for the embryologist to call us with the embryo/fertilization report. She called at 11 - a couple of hours later then she said she would but I kind of wished she had never called at all...ever! I thought I prepared myself for any worse case scenario...no fertilization...very few matured eggs or no matured eggs...but not for what we found out.

Turns out 8 of my 9 eggs matured...which was great news...then they were fertilized with ICSI. So technically we/our RE were expecting little to no problems with the initial process of fertilization...of course there may have been issues with embryos continuing to divide but not with just fertilizing. As of 11am today we did have 2 'normally fertilized' embryos, 4 'abnormally fertilized' and 2 that did nothing at all...which was VERY unexpected...especially since we used ICSI. It appears as if there is an issue with either our eggs or sperm...there is a genetic mutation that is screwing things up and we wont know any more details then that...since a genetic specialist would have to look into it...and apparently that would be like $10,000.00!

I am pissed...I just can't believe we have been hit with infertility X 3...female factor, male factor and now genetic factor...whoot whoot...man my husband and I are real winners! I am so mad right now.

Our next steps will have to be determined after our 'case' is reviewed. But we will see what is happening with our 2 fertilized embryos tomorrow...the embryologist said not to get our hopes up but since the other 6 were so fucked up (paraphrasing here) we shouldn't have high hopes for the two that seemed to have started to divide. At this point if they don't survive/take...we will have to start a process of elimination...either try this way again, attempt with donor sperm to confirm male genetic factor and if that doesn't work then I guess try ovum donation to confirm female genetic factor...I just don't know...this whole thing just got a lot messier.

I don't know what I am feeling right now...I have a lot more to say about this but I'll post again tomorrow after I hear more news.

Home from egg retrieval

I'm back...crampy and unsure of how I feel. Everything went well with the retrieval...I let a few tears slide on the OR table but the last thing I remember is the anesthesiologist saying something about the courage of a lion and wiping my escaped tears away...next thing I knew I was waking up in another bed in recovery.

I was surprised to hear what the embryologist had to tell us before we left - which is also why I don't feel ecstatic about this mornings retrieval. Two days ago they counted at lest 14 follies measuring around 14mm - I was under the impression that at least 14 could have been retrieved and possibly more smaller ones since this is an IVM cycle not IVF. There was also the possibility of retrieving already mature eggs - but they were mainly expecting immature eggs since we are doing IVM.

What was actually retrieved today were 9 eggs all immature. Now its not that I am unhappy with this because 9 eggs are still better then no eggs...its just I was expecting more and there was no explanation as to why we only ended up with 9. Maybe its just the way things are.

What is most annoying to me is my husbands reaction - he thinks I should be perfectly happy with 9 eggs and he doesn't see why it upsets me. First off this is IVM not IVF, which means my eggs have 24 hours to mature and usually only 70-80% mature. So lets say 7 make it to fertilization, we are using ICSI, so all 'should' fertilize. Then the remaining embryos need to continue to divide for 2 additional days before transfer. Hopefully all (say) 7 make it and two embryos are transferred. Which means we would have 5 left to freeze, but they need 2 additional days to make it to the blastocyct freeze stage and it is very unlikely that all of the remaining embryos will survive until the freeze stage. So I'm 'guessing' our best case scenario ends up leaving us with 1 or 2 embryos to freeze, which also means that if they don't take the first time I will probably end up having to go through this all over again.

I guess I was just hoping for a higher amount of eggs retrieved, so that if it doesn't work the first time there would be a greater chance of having more frozen embryos so I could avoid the whole retrieval process again. Errrr...I really just think its my husbands attitude that makes me the most upset/annoyed...its fine for him to think of ONLY the positive...all he'll have to do is jerk off into cup if we end up needing to go through this again.

I'm trying to stay positive - this cycle is what it is! I can't change what has already happened and I don't really have any control over what will or might happen. I plan on just taking it day by day the next couple of weeks. I wont have anymore news until Saturday, so until then I'll just be waiting.

Night before retrieval

OK...well its the night before my retrieval...and my stomach is turning a little from nerves. I'm trying to concentrate on the last American Idol ...but my mind is all over the place. My appetite has disappeared since the HCG shot last night...I have felt nauseous and a little light headed all day. Oh well...in 12 hours this will all be over and we will be moving on to the next steps.

I just checked a blog I follow...I was hoping for some good news...she got her beta results back today...but unfortunately it was a BFN after an IVF cycle...that totally sucks...fuck...why does this have to be so difficult for some of us!

Update

Everything is still a go...here in my little IVM world! I have been to the clinic daily since Friday - they have been monitoring my follies and blood work. They were a little concerned on Saturday that one follicle was a little too big and that I might surge on my own. So they gave me a shot to suppress any possible LH surge and by this mornings ultrasound it appears as if many of the smaller follicles have caught up to the one big one. They said they would schedule the retrieval once two follicle reached 14mm...well...today I had around 20 at the 14mm size...and many (I'm told too many to count) smaller ones!

I'm excited and a little shocked that everything seems to be moving along...the last week has been emotional and stressful as I have been constantly on edge and worrying that they might cancel the cycle. I take my HCG injection tonight at 7:30, tomorrow is a day off from blood and ultrasounds and Thursday morning at 9:30 I have my ovum retrieval. It still doesn't seem real!

Good news again...?

It seems so unusual to keep getting good news from our fertility doctors. I'm just so used to constantly receiving bad news or receiving good news only to be promptly followed by unpleasant news (ie. clomid worked...expect to get preggo in the normal/average three month time frame...two days later...wait...the SA came back and your gonna need in vitro if you ever want to get knocked up). So naturally I prepared myself for the worst for this mornings appointment...I fully expected them to cancel treatment and tell me we were going to have to wait until September. To my surprise everything looked great and we are moving ahead with the IVM this month.

The ultrasound showed at least 10 follies between 5-9mm and 15+ little follies - which the doctor said was great. I had my first injection by the nurse before we left and DH will give me the next ones over the next few days. I'm back to the clinic on Sunday for more blood/ultrasound...but surprisingly...so far so good! My fingers will be crossed until retrieval day and then there will be the next things to worry about...how many good embryos we will get...and the the dreaded two week wait! It should be an interesting few weeks.