Last day

This is the last day/the last post before tomorrow's beta. I still have not POAS (I don't know how I've managed that...but I did)...technically I could now...since enough time has passed...but I wont because I'm going to stick to my plan.

The 2ww went by fairly smoothly and quickly - I'm not sure I want it to end though. I think I prefer living in ignorant bliss, not knowing if it worked or not. I have no idea if it did or didn't work. I started cramping last Monday, which made me think AF was going to come...but its been 7 days of on again / off again cramping and no sign of AF...not even any spotting or coloured discharge. The cramping seems to be worse in the evenings and during the night...some times strong enough to wake me up. More then once I've thought AF had reared her ugliness and I've run to the bathroom to check, but nothing!

Of course I've googled every thing to do with cramping during the 2ww and have read countless stories of women who experienced similar cramping only to end up pregnant. Yet I've also read probably as many stories where women cramped and didn't end up pregnant. So, I guess the only real truth can be known tomorrow...I'm dreading it! I feel doomed to failure, but at the same time I keep thinking my luck has to change some time...since we've already had so much crap news...maybe good news is on the horizon. I don't know...I think until I have a baby in my arms I will only know failure and not be able to except the possibility of success (in regards to my fertility...or lack there of it)!

As of now I plan on sticking with my original plan. Go first thing tomorrow morning for the beta, come home, POAS and face reality - whatever it may be this cycle. I don't think I can be too upset if it didn't work, but I know I'll be ecstatic if it did work. So here's to hoping for a positive pee-stick and beta, one more evening of ignorant bliss, hopefully a good nights sleep and the strength to get through the next few days!