We are doing IVM

We went to our IUI orientation yesterday, waste of time! It was like a grade 7 sexual education class. I laughed a few times because it was so basic...I'm talking diagrams of the penis and vagina, the nurse even had a laser pointer...to point out exactly how babies are made. Yikes

Good news...we were able to sort out exactly what is going on with the IVM yesterday, and we found out we will be doing our first round of IVM next cycle. We will know more details after next weeks one on one IVM orientation - hopefully it will be a little less basic then the last orientation.

We finally have something to get excited about.

Random Updates

This no working thing is totally throwing off my blogging...I've had zero time to just hang out with my computer the last few days...but I'm not complaining! The weather was amazing over the weekend and DH and I went hiking Saturday and Sunday.

Friday afternoon I went for my follicle count...the trans-vaginal ultra sound (which I have had a few times before) was a bitch...since it was done on Cycle day 3...I was having a really heavy flow and that damn wand was not helping...but I survived. The technician wouldn't tell me anything...but I'm hoping for anything over 20...which is optimal for the IVM treatment. Maybe I can get someone to tell me tomorrow.

We go to IVF Canada tomorrow for our IUI orientation, I'm planning on booking my IVM orientation then and hopefully I'll be able to speak to someone in person about IVM treatments and the information package they gave us. I'm still really excited about the "big" possibility that we will get to do the IVM very soon...especially since we are 1 of the 20 couples in the pilot program. Although, I am so used to going month after month and NOT getting pregnant...that when it happens I wont believe that its true!

I'm so happy...

I got a phone call today from my fertility doctor...yes the same one who upset me and treated me poorly on Tuesday! For a change he was calling to deliver good news (well I think its good news)! So, when he saw us on Tuesday he said we were going to be moving onto IUI - I figured that that was the consensus among his other colleagues at IVF Canada and the decision was final. Turns out that he hadn't actually spoken with his colleagues and just made the decision by reviewing the SFA himself...probably right before he saw us.

Anyways...he was taking with the director of the clinic this morning and she brought up 'our' case...he told her that he had recommended 3xIUI and then we would decide if we move onto IVF. She totally disagreed with him and wants us to move onto IVM, which I'm a perfect candidate for! Our doctor talked to me on the phone and then went and got the director and had her talk to us. She explained that DH's sperm...in addition to the low count had a low morphology...specifically there were a large number with deformed heads. She explained that the bad morphology would decrease our chances of conception with IUI due to issues with the sperm not being able to penetrate the eggs. She believes we would be wasting our time by solely doing the IUI's.

So...IVM is our next step! I didn't even know what it was (http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/522444_print), apparently PCOS patients are the perfect candidates for it because they already have many immature follicles...this is the first time I've been happy about something to do with my PSOvaries! They make me one of the 12% of people who can partake in this treatment for infertility...whoot for good infertility news! Basically it is like an IVF cycle without the horrible IVF drugs, they just aspirate the immature follicles and mature them outside of the body...then use ICSI...inject a single spermie into each matured egg and create embryos...very simplified explanation! And each round only costs $3000.00, which is a great deal cheaper then the $10,000.00 IVF treatments. IVF Canada is the only fertility clinic in Ontario doing this procedure right now, and they are still in trial runs. However, they have been having great success with it - the director said they were getting 46% pregnancy rate/cycle...which is great news! Downside is - since they are only in the early stages of practicing this procedure they are only doing it in rounds every three months. So, hopefully we get in for the next round...but we will still be trying with IUI in between IVM cycles.

I go tomorrow morning for a follicle scan and blood work...ideally I need more then 20 immature follicles...so here's to hoping for lots of little follies...come on PCOS...I hope you've been in over-drive! I am so excited...this is great news for me...I'm am so grateful that our case caught the clinic directors eye...because if I had of found this information out after 3 failed cycles...I may not have been as happy about this great news!

CYCLE DAY 1

Its almost funny! I just put up my last post...saying AF still wasn't here...and then BAM...30 mins later...I feel a little wet...take a look...and she's arrived! I've gotta say...she's a real bitch...giving me false hope...arriving late...and screwing up my baby plans.

Decision disaster...

We had our fertility appointment today, the final one before IFV Canada decided for us whether or not we move to IUI or IVF. Our appointment was 1.45 hours late, which was killing me! Not to mention there were like 5 pregnant women in the waiting room...which was driving me crazy. One of these girls looked like she was maybe 18...with her gangsta boyfriend who kept complaining about the wait...she gets a baby and I don't! Errrr!

Anyways, we confirmed that I did ovulate again with a progesterone level of 98, so most likely at least two eggs again. The SFA came back...with little to no change. There were so many numbers and variables I didn't even bother writing them down, especially since it wont make a bit of difference if I know the exact numbers. Our doctor said we would be moving onto the IUI, however, due to another screw up on his part...we will once again miss my next cycle.

They wont do the IUI until my HIV /other blood tests come back, which takes three to four weeks. When I asked him why he didn't do the tests 6 months ago when we started seeing him, he said he just assumed I had already had the tests! F-him! He even told my husband a month ago that I was going to need the tests, but when I called and asked him about it he had no idea what I was talking about and said we would talk about any further testing at the next appointment! Anywhoo...during our appointment today all of my frustration must have started to show...because my asshole doctor said in a very condescending tone...you need to relax (one of the things you don't tell an infertile)...it wasn't a caring tone it was condescending and nasty. He said I needed to stop being upset about this stuff and get on with it...after he said this...I let a tear slide...and my doctor jumped on me and basically said I was being rediculous for being upset. I tried to defend myself by asking him why he thought I didn't have the right to be upset...and he said something about this is nothing to do with rights that I was just over reacting. OK...what really pisses me off is...I wasn't even crying...no hysterics...no sobbing...not even a snotting nose...just a few stray tears of emotion...and I was totally attacked. Apparently I was/am supposed to be a ROBOT and not have any emotion. Even longer story short...he threatened me with psychiatric evaluation...he was pretty much threatening to stop treatment...all because I let a few tears of frustration and emotion go. I HATE him...errr....so I basically sucked it up and did the whole "Yes..sure...whatever...yep...I'm over reacting...oh..yes...is that what you wanted to here"...stick.

We go for the IUI orientation next Wednesday at 1pm, and then we wait for my blood work to come back. After that we just wait for my next cycle... pay them $650.00 and see what happens. Can't say I'm excited...just annoyed that we wont know if the IUI might even work until at least May 8th...errr....I don't even want to think about it.

Other unusual fertility news...I'm 16 dpo...no AF...and no AF cramps and BFN this AM...weird. If I don't get AF before Thursday...I'm going for a blood test. But now that I've written it down...I'm sure I'll get AF in the night.

Blogging from home...

Well I am now blogging from home...on Mondays...and well...everyday of the week...for now! Friday afternoon, at 4:00pm, I was laid off. Not really surprising, the terrible economy has put our company in shambles and for the last month and a half they have been letting go of two to three people every Friday afternoon. We have had ZERO sales since the new year...and there has been nothing really for anyone to do for months. My last work friend was also let go on Friday, so if they had of kept me on...it would have been unbearable in that office without my last comrade.

Anyways...the short story is...I hated where I worked...so it is a blessing in disguise. My husband is really happy I'm not working there anymore, mostly because I complained about it day and night for over a year. However, starting a new job somewhere is going to be difficult right now if I'm going to need time off for fertility appointments. Our plan is to see what happens tomorrow at the decision appointment...and then decide if I will go back to work right away or not. My husband thinks I should stay home for awhile, I'm conflicted because there are always so many projects I want to get done and if we go to IVF the extra cash will defiantly be needed. I should have a better feeling about it tomorrow after our appointment.

Fertility wise - I'm 15dpo, no AF yet, but AF-like cramps. Tested yesterday and got BFN, decided not to test today...if I don't get AF by tomorrow morning I'll test again. But I'm doubtful!

At least its Friday!

12 dpo - BFN, I've slightly given up hope for this cycle...it just feels too much like a regular AF cycle. I should know by Monday...two more days of testing...and praying for a miracle.

Again

11 dpo - another BFN. I can't say I'm surprised by this, but man am I fed up with BFN results. I guess that's what you get for starting to test so early.


I'm back to my count downs:

1. 1 more day till the weekend


2. 3 more days until I should now for sure if this cycle's end result will be either a BFN or BFP, also know as AF
   
3. 5 more days until our next fertility appointment
   

I was going to say 8 more days till my next round of clomid (if BFN)...but our fertility appointment might change that...so the furthest I can plan for now is until Tuesday...hmmm! This is annoying for me...I like to be in control and know whats happening.

On a happy note...another blog that I follow http://babydanser.blogspot.com/ just announced the best news yesterday...she is having twins! Such happy news...and it gives me hope! I used to be terrified about having twins...and being on the clomid only worried me more since it increases your chance for twins. But lately I've been thinking that twins might not be that bad...two at once...might take the pressure off of "needing" to have another. I don't know...I guess all I'm saying is I wouldn't be 'as' worried now if I found out I was having twins.

Nope

It was another BFN this morning! I'm trying to stay optimistic...its still only 10 dpo...and if I had of stuck with my original plan I still wouldn't have even tested yet for another 2 days! I should have waited!

Even if this cycle is another bust...our next fertility appointment is in 6 days. We will be able to start with either the IVF or move onto the IUI. At this point I'm really hoping we just move on to IVF, I just want some progress and to have some success. If his count is still low...I have little faith in the IUI. We have been seeing our fertility specialist for 7 months now and I still feel like we are exactly where we were 6 months ago after one month with our specialist. I was diagnosed within a month and we found out there was a low sperm count in December...two full months have passed and NO progress has been made...its just so frustrating!

And I hate our doctor - this is something I haven't really mentioned on here. There is just too many things to list why I don't like him! But the short of it all is...if I had to choose again I would choose some one who showed some concern and more compassion for their patients. I would switch now...but I just don't want to waste anymore time. As I said...too many negatives surrounding my feelings towards our doctor...I don't even want to get into this this morning...maybe I'll vent on a day when I really need to complain!

Anyways...guess I'll test and post tomorrow!

It was only in my head...

Yesterday I thought there 'may' have been a faint line on the HPT, it was all I could do not to test when I got home from work. But I held out and waited for this morning. I even woke up at 4 to pee...and decided not to go...because I wanted concentrated urine when I tested before work.

Anyways...its confirmed...my mind was planning a cruel trick on me! There wasn't even a trace of a line this AM. I knew it had to be too good to be true. I'm only 9dpo now...so I'm sure its still early to detect anything anyways!

But I'm deep in my vicious cycle of testing now...so it will be a daily update of 'yea or neah'!!!

Ahhhh....

Ok...I'll admit it...I'm an HPT JUNKIE!!! I can't help it...I stock up and test almost daily near the end of my 2ww! I'm also an OPK junkie...2 days after I finish the clomid...I test twice daily until I get my LH surge or AF shows! I can't help it...and if I don't pee on something for a few days it drives me crazy...like something from my daily routine is missing!

I had my blood work done today at lunch to confirm if I ovulated. I went home to grab a bite to eat and on my way out the door I decided to go back up stairs, pee on a stick, just to see if something would appear. I was late back to lunch so I brought the test with me in the car. I kept glancing at it on the drive back to work and it looked like a definite negative. In the parking lot at work I closely inspected the stick...and I swear there was a faint line...but I'm also pretty sure I was imagining a 'faint-line'...I mean very faint! I'm only 8dpo so the chances of anything showing are slim to NONE...and I'm going to have to accept that my eyes and brain are playing cruel tricks on me...not fair!

I just pulled the test out of my purse and checked it again...impossible to tell now...the dye in the test has bled funny and smudged the test and control line...like I already said - I'll just have to accept that I am now imagining fake positives.

Back to my blood work...man...the girl who draws my blood...is the most incompetent lab tech alive! She is soooo bad at it! She usually jabs the needle in...misses...jabs again...puts the collection tube on and realizes she has still missed...and then just moves the needle around in my arm until she hits some thing that produces more of a trickle rather than a flow of blood! I keep going back because there is no wait and the clinic is just down the street from our house. When I go to the (what I call) "good lab" - there is never any problem drawing my blood but I usually have to wait at least an hour. Bah...I always look like a 'real' junkie when I'm done having my blood taken...with numerous stab wounds and bruising!

OK...I guess I'll have to do an HPT in the morning now...it will drive me nuts if I don't. I wasn't planning on starting to test till Thursday...but I caved today and have started my obsessive testing cycle early!

6 Days left...

Yesterday was an unusual day. We went with our pregnant friends to another couple's place (they already have an 18 month old). I was really dreading going, I didn't want to feel like the big elephant in the room - the one infertile that still doesn't have a baby or even a pregnancy. Turns out it wasn't 'as' bad as I thought it might be.
Our friends who already have a son are going through a really hard financial and medical time. She was just laid off and he is been having some very serious 'unexplained' medical issues. Their situation brought me back to reality a little more, it made me realize that our infertility situation is not the end of the world and that things could be much worse.
I deal with my other pregnant friends numerous days a week, dealing with her wasn't an issue. However, as the evening went on my two friends went through piles of baby gear. It was difficult to see all the cute little outfits, knowing that it might take years for me to have a baby to put in those outfits, while my preggo friend will have her bundle of joy in only a few short months.
All in all, the evening went much better then I expected. Blood work tomorrow, and only 6 more days still testing...or the arrival of AF.